Scientists Discover New Element

As we await the Mad Mullahs' non-answer to the West's latest appeasement suck-up, er, offer, here's the latest scientific discovery that provides evidence for the increasing torpor and ineffectiveness of today's solons and diplomats. Our periodic table will never be the same...

(Actually, this is a scurrilous missive we received via email, and we're posting it here with a bit of editing. We all can use a bit of humor, particularly when it's basically true. We have no idea who originated it, so if any of our readers know, please send us a comment along with some evidence, and we'll be glad to give credit):

NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED

The recent spate hurricanes and gasoline pricing issues have provided us with convincing proof of the existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, its presence can be easily detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each successive reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming potentially radioactive isodopes.

Moron promotion, uniquely peculiar to this element, has led some scientists to believe that Governmentium is generated whenever morons reach a critical concentration in a given environment. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When the catalyst of money is applied, Governmentium is transformed into Administratium. Scientists have noted that Administratium radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, probably due to the fact that it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

In business circles, Governmentium has come to be known as Managerium.