John Edwards Wins March Glass Navel Award™

We're retiring General Motors, February's Glass Navel Award Winner, with this post and replacing America's largest declining automotive manufacturer with none other than former Senator, Democrat VP candidate, and wanna-be President John Edwards, the country's Ambulance-Chaser-in-Chief. Here's why, courtesy of AP:

Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards says Jesus would be appalled at how the United States has ignored the plight of the suffering, and that he believes children should have private time to pray at school.

Edwards, in an interview with the Web site Beliefnet.com, said Jesus would be most upset with the selfishness of Americans and the country's willingness to go to war "when it's not necessary."

"I think that Jesus would be disappointed in our ignoring the plight of those around us who are suffering and our focus on our own selfish short-term needs," Edwards told the site. "I think he would be appalled, actually."

Hmmm, actually. Just rocks them selfish Republican heathens back on their collective heels, don't it?

Nice words but didn't we read something like the following in the Carolina Journal just this past January?

Presidential candidate John Edwards and his family recently moved into what county tax officials say is the most valuable home in Orange County [North Carolina]. The house, which includes a recreational building attached to the main living quarters, also is probably the largest in the county.

“The Edwardses’ residential property will likely have the highest tax value in the county,” Orange County Tax Assessor John Smith told Carolina Journal. He estimated that the tax value will exceed $6 million when the facility is completed.

Shall we continue? Oh, let's!

The rambling structure sits in the middle of a 102-acre estate on Old Greensboro Road west of Chapel Hill. The heavily wooded site and winding driveway ensure that the home is not visible from the road. “No Trespassing” signs discourage passersby from venturing past the gate.

Don Knight, Orange County building plans examiner, told CJ that, including the recreational building, the Edwardses’ home would be one of the largest in Orange County.

Knight approved the building plans that showed the Edwards home totaling 28,200 square feet of connected space. The main house is 10,400 square feet and has two garages. The recreation building, a red, barn-like building containing 15,600 square feet, is connected to the house by a closed-in and roofed structure of varying widths and elevations that totals 2,200 square feet.

The main house is all on one level except for a 600-square-foot bedroom and bath area above the guest garage.

The recreation building contains a basketball court, a squash court, two stages, a bedroom, kitchen, bathrooms, swimming pool, a four-story tower, and a room designated “John’s Lounge.”

Geez, what would anyone actually do in a tasteless MacMansion the size of this monstrosity? Host pre-season games between the Carolina Panthers and the Washington Redskins in the family's living room? The heating bill alone for this palace must exceed the January gasoline bill of every resident in Rhode Island. (What would the Goracle say?) And I wonder how much you have to donate to Edwards' presidential campaign to spend a scotch-soaked evening with the candidate in "John's Lounge?"

Now, kiddies, before we all start fulminating at one time, remember. Edwards can condemn American "selfishness" with a straight because, being a Democrat, he is therefore not selfish like the rest of us in flyover country. His North Carolina pleasure dome is simply not an issue here. A Democrat cannot be selfish. If he were selfish, why, he'd automatically turn into a Republican.

And Edwards can easily condemn, with a straight face, America's willingness to go to war "when it's not necessary" because, well, he was for it before he was against it. Being a Democrat means never having to say you're sorry. (Except you might occasionally utter such words in a brief moment of insincerity if they buy you a few votes.)

Add the pious bloviations on Jesus from the mouth of a trial lawyer who put two bigoted anti-Catholic, anti-Christian bloggers on his staff and refused to fire them until religious groups turned the heat way up; add the pleasure dome and the hypocrisy of the war vote flip-flop and what do you get?

That's right, fans. Senator Edwards is the March 2007 winner of the HazZzMat Glass Navel Award.**

We wonder, BTW, whether the Senator has ever read that story Jesus told about the Pharisee and the publican. (Or was that Republican?)

** (For the uninitiated, this highly-coveted Award honors monthly the individual who is most in need of a glass navel—a special prosthetic device invented by HazZzMat specifically to help people whose heads are so far up their nether orifices that they require the surgical insertion of a glass navel in order to be able to navigate the way ahead. Patent pending, all rights reserved.)